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Check out this insane poem, English Pronunciation by G. Nolst Trenité. I got it from here!


If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world.

After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he’d prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud.

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Fe0ffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

English Pronunciation by G. Nolst Trenité
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Monstrosities inspired by Pinterest. They're hilarious! Click here to see them! My favorite were the apple turkey birds or whatever they were supposed to be.
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I love the internet!

What would it be like if your boss was a cat? The Adventures of Business Cat

Dog gets cracker stuck on nose, gets confused.

32 service workers who hilariously are not even pretending to try and care anymore. XD

Watch in amazement as somehow, a group of researchers is able to capture and extract sound from a video with the sound turned off, by minutely analyzing tiny waves and oscilations in the video pixels. It's crazy.

And last, brushing up on yoga-related vocabulary in Spanish. Vamos a sentarnos... con los ojos cerrados, respiren profundamente y lentamente, enfocando, visualizando las olas del mar.
melluransa: (Default)
Alzheimer's self-portraits, drawn by an artist who has Alzheimer's until he eventually forgot to do them. Wow. Click here to see. What a transformation. I wish there was a cure for dementia.

This made me laugh. What men are REALLY saying when catcalling women. LOL! I always ignore them, it's pathetic and inappropriate. Ignoring a behavior results in extinction of that behavior. Hashtag behaviorism.

And this was interesting! A dynamic visually-represented comparison of vocal ranges, highest pitches achieved, and lowest pitches achieved by many well-known vocalists.

I enjoyed this -- 15 things impossible to do gracefully. ^_^
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These stories gave me a laugh!

Click here to read stories about the dumbest patients ever!

This link is hilarious, it's a teenaged boy from New Zealand who remakes photos of female celebrities. It really can't be explained with words, let his pictures do the talking.

Awesome cat gif

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Child 1: I'm fat. Oink oink.

(I say child is silly.) I'm not silly, I'm (Says her name)
(I say child is maybe sick) I'm not sick, I'm (Says her name)
(I say child is late) I'm not late, I'm (Says her name. You get the idea…)

Child 2: Turkeys can mess me up really bad. I have to stay away. They say gobble gobble and make me wanna dance too much.

(After winning a game of go fish) I'm a little bit better than you.

(Child is walking with his eyes closed and seems to be praying. I ask what he's praying about.) Dale Earnhart. He did in 2001. (He's a Nascar race car driver if you didn't know)

Read more... )
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melluransa: (GD TOP silly faces)

Please see the lolcats livejournal community for other lovely feline gifs. :3
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There's an adorable slideshow of animals working out at the link. I love the animals doing yoga. Click here to see!!
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Over the course of my day, I tend to get a lot of hilarious kid quotes. Never mind the speech sound errors -- which sometimes makes things hilarious enough as it is -- but they say the most nonsensical and weird things ever. Kids say weird things. And I didn't even write them all down.

Child 1:

I can use the gila monster's butt.

Child 1: It's growing…
Me: What?
Child 1:……Me.

Read more... )
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....not even to get candy. Really though, how could you ask a kid to hit a Spiderman piñata? Kids adore him.

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This video made me laugh so hard! It's a facebook link to a video. It's people saying words in French, English, Italian, Spanish....and then German. They picked words that are "lovely" sounding in the first four languages, and then very harsh and gutteral sounding words in German.

Like Butterfly!
Papillon, butterfly, farfalla, mariposa......SCHMETTERLING.

It's very hilarious. Click the link here to watch!
melluransa: (TH boys happy)
Via These had me crying with laughter!! Follow the link and get ready to laugh!

I can't choose my favorite! It might be a toss up between the sodium hexafluoride one or the hardcore dancing one!
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Me: I like spring because it has flowers like daffodils, dandelions, daisies, tulips, lilies, gardenias...
Child 1: I like Captain America too!

Child 1 continued: You kill a zombie with a cherry

Child 2: I got one! I got one! And it even makes sense! ....The spaghetti eats the spider!

Child 3: We can't take his brain! He needs a brain or else he won't have ideas!

Child 4: I'm going to read my poem now. Ahem. "Child 4" is a dork.
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melluransa: (pikachus)
Child 1: Poor titty

Child 2: Hey, did you hear about rainbow puffo?
Me: No, I didn't.
Child 2: I meant to say rainbow puffo. Rainbow puffo. *mumbled thoughtfully to himself* Rainbow puffo. ....Rainbow...puffo.

Me: *coloring flower* It's dark purple.
Child 3: *playing with farm set, half-listening* Thanks.

Child 4: The doggie didn't need a wheelchair

Child 5: I have chocolate bones. *bites arm*

Child 6: I like Hello Titty. I have Hello Titty stickers, and Hello Titty shoes, and Hello Titty pillows... (etc)

Child 7: The marker's saying "Money Money Money!"

Child 8, sadly: I'm going to f*** you in the face

Child 9, about other child: It's ok, he just talks like that.

Child 10: These cookies make me hyper but I'm still gonna eat it anyway

Child 11: *dances and sings Gangnam Style, "Sexy Lady" and all. He's 5. O_O*
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melluransa: (Ga-in orange)
There's this kind of candy in the U.S. by Nestle's Willy Wonka Candy Company. On the wrappers of the taffy are printed little jokes which are submitted by children. Most of them are not that funny (i.e. Why did the man take a hammer to bed? He wanted to hit the sack)

Some of them are really funny though! I haven't read any of these funny ones but here are some of the best! My favorite is:

Q: Where does the general put his armies?
A: In his sleevies!

There's a list of 12 here! They're clever. :)
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