melluransa: (Default)
Check out this insane poem, English Pronunciation by G. Nolst Trenité. I got it from here!

------

If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world.

After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he’d prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud.

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Fe0ffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

English Pronunciation by G. Nolst Trenité
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melluransa: (IU mustache)
I was looking through my notes for this one apparently terribly boring class I had in 2010. I hate that I don't remember anything from the class, yet had the time to write "VOMIT" in all caps, draw people vomiting, draw the twins, swans, elephants, mice, frogs, stars, spirals, write little notes like "Ahh I wish this class would end omg only 30 mins left I'm gonna dieee," and write "Bill Kaulitz" in cursive over and over and over.

I also found this charming poem I wrote, because I had time to devise poems but not to remember anything from the lectures 3 years later.

LOCKER

Metal walls guarding one's possessions
Slots in the door. Why?
Airholes for trapped children
Bullied and enjailed in those 4 metal walls
Rows of steel jails lining school halls
Stifled cries echoing deafeningly from within
Ear-splitting bangs
Morse code for S.O.S


WTF, me?

The original title for this post was "Weird poems and inattention leading to poor information encoding and recall."
◾ Tags:
melluransa: (twins identical happy LA)
I love Leichenwasser because he's like me; the kind of weirdo who picks up on silly linguistic things. Not content with just noticing it, he and I take it to the next level (which borderlines taking it too far, but that's how we roll)

A is @adesadi (me!)
L is @leichenwasser [livejournal.com profile] leichenwasser
M is @mohanrocks89 [livejournal.com profile] mohanrocks

A to L: Of you I am fond~
L to A: We may not be twins, but we do have that bond~
A to L: We run deep like the Kaulitz twins' natural blonde~
L to A: Were I but nearer, with you I'd abscond~
A to L: "Take my hand; up we soar," I to you would respond~
L to A: I would lavish and pamper you with champagne, kisses and palm frond~
A to L: To new heights take I thee, past the stars and beyond~
M to A & L: "I'm not envious of your poetic exchange," she said, glancing out the window at the weeds that needed to be lawned.
A to M: From your lawn plucks Sir Kit the exotic palm frond~
A: To the both of you I bid, "Adieu, tout le monde~"

....and then everyone was seriously impressed. L was too impressed to sleep. *nods*
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melluransa: (Bill schrei-ing)
Haha! I love that he performs them too. This guy is, like, my hero... you know?

Totally like whatever, you know?
by Taylor Mali

In case you hadn't realized, it has somehow become uncool to sound like you know what you're talking about?

Or believe strongly in what you're, like, saying?

Invisible question marks and parenthetical, "you-know's" and, "you-know-what-I'm-saying's" have been attaching themselves to the ends of our sentences?

Even when those sentences aren't, like...questions?

Declarative sentences, so called because they used to like, you know, declare things to be true, okay?

As opposed to other things that are totally, you know, not?

They've been infected by this tragically cool and totally hip interrogative tone?

As if I'm saying, "Don't think I'm a nerd just like I've noticed this, okay?
I have nothing personally invested in my own opinions
I'm just, like, inviting you to join me on the bandwagon of my own...uncertainty?"

What has happened to our conviction? )
melluransa: (bill and birds)
You need to be ready to get hurt, ready to feel. It is about dropping all your protective shields to feel something pure and overwhelming. It is about entering the here and now. Sometimes you have the feeling that there are so many beautiful things out there that you can not see for whatever reason, It takes courage to break down the walls that keep you away from really living your life. It is about being close to someone you never really met before. You want to escape from something and you want this ghost-like soulmate to come away with you because it is the only thing you have faith in. The track carries hope have been in love already, but I don't think I have ever really loved somebody. Love is a very rare and beautiful thing.. But it can also be bitter if the other one does not love you back. I will wait for love to fly to me and teach me how to fly.
-Bill Kaulitz (About WBMW)
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melluransa: (gd eye and heart)
A beautiful poem called "Language Acquisition," written by Marie Ponsot, who struggles with her own language after having a stroke.

Language Acquisition

Burn, or speak your mind. For the oak to untruss
its passion it must explode as fire or leaves.
The delicious tongue we speak with speaks us.
A liquor of sweetness where its root cleaves
ripens fluent, as it runs for the desirous
reason, the touching sense. The infant says “I”
like earthquake and wavers as place takes voice.
Earth steadies smiling around her, in reply
to her self-finding pronoun, her focal choice.
We wait: while sun sucks earth juices up from wry
root-runs tangled under dark, while the girl
no longer vegetal, steps into view:
a moving speaker, an “I” the air whirls
toward the green exuberance of “You.”
◾ Tags:
melluransa: (joon glasses hat smile)
If you're gonna burn, let it be from the sun
If you're gonna teach, let it be to love
If you're gonna cry, let it be from joy
If you're gonna lie, let it be about your age
If you're gonna rob, let it be a kiss
If you're gonna lose something, let it be fear
If there's gonna be war, let it be with pillows
If you're gonna fall, let it be because you're exhausted from having fun
If you're hungry, let it be for love
If you're gonna be happy, let it be for forever
◾ Tags:
melluransa: (Default)
What are the lyrics in the chorus? I hear things about wrestling kisses, donuts and arms dropping dreams. In the end I made my own version. It isn't appropriate, I'm proud to say! My lyrics actually go with the title...

ANYWAY there are two main versions. I think it could be a combination of the two. Reading these lyrics... Hm. Are we supposed to dream of Bill going down on us?

-
I'll get down on you, get down on you,
Blessed kisses raining.
I'll get down on you, get down on you,
Don't let wishes fade in.
Run into your abstract dreams
It's a point of view,
I'd go down down down,
To get up on you,
I'll get down on you, get down on you.
-
I get down on you, get down on you
Blessed kisses waiting
I get down on you, get down on you
It all in a way’s just fading
Right into your rockstar dreams,
It’s a point of view
I get down, down, down to get up on you
I get down on you, get down on you
-

To go along with the theme of this ambiguous song, here is a hilarious classic from Frida. Here there is NO confusion, none at all. No booty calls!
melluransa: (Default)
This poem spotlights how confusing english spelling and pronunciation can be.
Heer, hier, here, hir...
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