Kids say weird things: Sept-November 2013

[melluransa]

Over the course of my day, I tend to get a lot of hilarious kid quotes. Never mind the speech sound errors -- which sometimes makes things hilarious enough as it is -- but they say the most nonsensical and weird things ever. Kids say weird things. And I didn't even write them all down.

Child 1:

I can use the gila monster's butt.

Child 1: It's growing…
Me: What?
Child 1:……Me.



Child 2:

(following an intense discussion about how ducks usually swim but sometimes fly too) I don't walk. I only walk sometimes.

The itsy bitsy cocoa puff (getting distracted with the "itsy bitsy spider" rhyme)


Child 3:

I don't wanna have fun! *tearfully*

Child 3: I eat "paghetti" and underwear!
Child 4: And ssssmeatballs!
(P.S. We're practicing s-blends, like S-Paghetti. Child 4 puts /s/ before everything now, even meatballs. Oy.)

I'm on fire! Yeah!….Somebody help me.


Child 4:

Goodbye pig. I'm gonna punch you in the face. (punches his paper pig in the face before inserting it calmly into his folder)


Child 5:

Youtube is the biggest thing you can do!

I don't wanna get dehydridrated.

Sorry for the eruption (interruption)


Child 6:

I jump out of a bowl today.

My brother has a 'stache and he's only in 2nd grade!

Bus liar (buzz lightyear)

My mom -- she got a BIG belly


Child 7:

Do monkeys have butts?

Long like a schnitzel (I do not remember tis context at all)

They slurp each other. (I do not remember this context either!)

Everyone look out! She has candy corn hands! (she was referring to me and my nail design)

Do you ever have bananas when you're young?

Ooh! A Teddy! I'll name it teddy.

I'm a cutting expert… what's an expert?

Oh purple mountain majesties, for amber waves of bread (a new and bready version to a patriotic song)


Child 8:

I "don" tell you something -- I am not a wolf.


Child 9

I don't have a …..square hand.

Skeletons mean you don't have no meat on you.

Deck her

Did her skin come off? (he was asking if I got scratched by my cat)

I saw a chicken eating a zombie

*spelling something* Q, x, r, w, x, y…

I saw the slimeys in the head, the brain is the eater, and they ate it. (P.S. I think this kid's obsession is zombies)


Child 10:

I saw people. (Saw as in the tool, like sawing wood. O_O)


Child 11:

Cows pee milk out their gutters


Child 12:

Her don't got money. Her got nickels.


Child 13:

I'm gonna tell you something that's gonna blow your mind. Phirannas are bigger than houses

Child 13: Have you ever been to Chainsaw, Texas?
Me: No… Did you see it in a movie?
Child 13: Yeah! They kill people there.
Me: *Proceeds to explain that movies aren't real, use fake halloween blood, etc. We have this same conversation every single week.)